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STAY OR GO Thanks Kayla for letting me use these Beginning Journal Entries Jeremy Aames You know what I'm sick of hearing? Cheesy expressions like, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,""Bad things happen to the people that can't handle them," or,"When life gives you leamons, make lemonade!'(Who's the dork that came up with that one?) Okay, usually I'm a very positive person. I was positive when my father lost his job last year. I was positive when I had to work just to buy my family's groceries. I was positive when we had to shut down half our house because we couldn't afford to heat (or cool) the whole thing. I was even positive for my dad when he had his heart attack. And eventually, things got better... for about five minutes. Now dad's back in the hospital, and I just don't understand what we're supposed to do. He stoped working so hard. He paid off all the overdue bills. He's been eating healthier. And he still has another problem with his heart. If all that didn't make him better, what will? Conner McDermott I had a problem with the whole twelve-step-program thing from the very beginning. I know I have to followit to get better and all that. And i was perfectly ready to jump through whatever hoops the counselors at the clinic wanted me to me to jump through. I was. Untill I got to step two. "we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." After that, a lot of the steps have to do with god or this higher power and about accepting that it or he or she would help us through the trials of life and rehabilitation. My problem was, I've always thought that people were pretty much responsible for their own actions. I want to drink, I drink. I want to drive fast I drive fast. I want to break up with someone, I break up with someone. I never thought anyone but me was responsible for me. And it took me a while to get through all those steps. But Alanna delt with it. She was ready to ask some higher power for help and ready to ask him to "remove her shortcomings" (that's step seven). She was the one who helped me see what I needed to do. Not any overpaid, overfed, oversensitve conselor. I don't know where I'd be with out her right now. And I know they told us we really shouldn't date for a year after we left rehab. Something about making it on our own and the evils of codependency. But I really feel like I need Alanna. And if I can admit that I need someone, that has to be a good step. At least that's how I see it. Alanna Feldman I'm done with my twelve steps. Kind of. If I'm gonna be honest, I guess I have to adimit I skimped on a couple of them. First of all, there's this one that's, like, totally unreasonable. It's number five: "we've admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human beingthe exact nature of our wrongs." Okay, I had this whole session with my counselor, Chris? And I tried to admit the exact nature of all my wrongs, but it was hard. Because There are so many. I mean, like, when I was drunk, I did a lot of things to a lot of people. How am I going to remaber every single thing that I did? And there are a few thing's I didn't want to talk about. Ever. So that was the first problem. The second one is number ten. That's the infamous one where you're supposted to apologize to everyone you've ever wronged. I tried to do that. I did. But there's one apology I'm not going to be making anytime soon. And that's to my parents. I know there's some stuff I should apologize to them for. I'm serious enough about getting better to know that. But there's something that has to happen first. First they have to apologize to me. For everything. Ken Matthews It always starts the Monday before the game. It's like this buzz, this weird nervous excitement that starts in my heart, then moves on to a different part of my body every day. First my hands start to tingle, as if I can feel the ball in my fingersat all times. Then my legs are constantly jittery, like they're ready to take off any second. Then, on the day of the game, it all goes to my head. I get this light-headed feeling, but i'm still so focused on one thing. Winning. And going to school just makes the whole thing more intense. Especially when it's the championship that's coming up. Everywhere I go, there are painted sings cheering on the team. Some of them even have my name on them. It's so weird to walk into school and see a huge red-and-white sign screaming "Go, Matthews!" Weird and kinda cool. How could I have ever thought of giving all this up? Will Simmons You know what I can't stand? This week. This whole freakin weekahead of me. Everywhere I go, there are signs cheering the football team on to victory. "Cage the Lions!" "Go, Gladiators!" "Go, Matthews!" Please. Like he's the reason they're going to the chapionship game. Can we all just take a second and remeber who the quaterback was that led the team to the first seven wins of the season? And does anyone realize that we wouldn't be anywhere near the chapionship game without those seven wins? Of course not. All they care about is their golden boy of the moment. This time last year I was the hero. I was the junior quarterback that brought El Carro High all the way to the championship where we shut out the Bears. Yeah, the defense dominated, but i was the one responsible for the thirty-eight points that we scored. "Each ball Will Simions threw hits its mark like a receiver-seeking missile." That was what they wrote about me. And now where am I? Nowhere. Not even on the bench. Things would be different if we were still at El Carro. We'd be the ones in the championship game, I guarentee that. But we're not there. We're at Sweet Valley High. Sometimes I wish another earthquake would hit and take this place down. Body The main story line is about Jess and Jeremy's Problem. The reason why Jeremy's family is moving to Arizona is because Jeremy's mother thinks his fathers job is to stressful and that he should quit and they could all work at Jeremys' aunts' store in Arizona. She also tell Jeremy to re-think his decision about going to Arizona next year. Jeremy is crushed and is afraid to tell Jessica. Then to make thing worse he was going to be on the basketball team and the coach decided to make him the captin of the team. Then when he's with his friends the start talking about the prom and Jeremy's friends start saying how thay want a date as cute as Jess and Jeremy tells Trent That he might as well take her. When they ask why Jeremy tells them how his familly will be moving in a couple of weeks. Then Trent get the I dea of having Jeremy stay at his house for the rest of the school year. Then Jeremy tell Jess about him having to move but he leaves out the part about him mabey being able to stay at Trents house. When Jeremy asks his Parents they tell him that no, that the family needs him with them. The next day Jeremy gets mad and when Trent tells him it's ok for him to stay at his house Jeremy tell him that he doesn't want to talk about it. Later Jess is at the mall with Liz, Maria, and Tia. There trying to cheer Jess up about thw whole Jeremy thing. Then they run into Trent and he says something to Jess about the whole thing how jeremy could stay at his house for the rest of the school year, then Jess gets mad cause Jeremy didn't tell her. She goes to Jeremy's house and he explains how he didn't want to give her any false hope and that he can't stay with Trent cause his parents won't let him. Jeremy's dad over heard Jeremy and Jess and he decided to give Jeremy the chance him to make up his mind if he wants to stay. At the end of the book at the championship game Jeremy tells Jess that he's gonna stay in sweet Valley for the rest of senior year. The other story line is about Ken and Will. When Will Starts his job at the tribune one day when he's sortin through papers and he finds a letter from Michigan and it was from the recruting guy and it saidabout him making the arangements on his side of the bargian and how mr. Matthews better carry out his end of the bargain and that they'll meet at half-time and seal the deal. Then at the game Will follows them and find out its true and that nomatter what Ken will get into michigan. Then Ken messed up the last play but the ball was fumbled but they got it back ang got a touchdown to win the game. Then Ken was told at the end of the game that he was accepted into michigan. The last story line was about conner and Alanna. The go to the carnavel and then Alanna gets into a fight with her parents and starts to drink and then Conner goes to her house and he can smell the alcohol on her breath. then later he leaves. Ending Journal Entries Alanna Feldman 12:05 a.m. Conner just left, and I cleaned up my dad's study. I hope it looks okay in there. The sweat ring was a pain to deal with, but it's probably fine now. I don't think anyone will know the difference. But did conner know? I mean, the second I saw his car pull up, I downed like half a bottle of mouthwash, so mabey I'm okay. I just couldn't tell. I think he believed my story, but he's not stupid. He's been there. He knows. All I'm sure of is I can't lose Conner. I can't. I really don't know What will happen to me if I do. Conner McDermont 12:05 a.m. She was drinking. I know she was. I could tell by the way she was acting. She kept bringing it up all night. Saying stuff like, "I don't know why my father drinks scotch . I can't stand the taste of it," and, "I hate my dads study. Isn't it gross? So stuffy. I never even go in there." She was obviously trying to cover. I'm such an Idiot. What an I Supposed to do? I should dump her. I know I should. I can't have a person like that in my life right now. Now after everything I've learned. But what kind of person am I if I don't help her? Jessica Wakefield 12:07 a.m. Jeremy just dropped me off. We left the victory party around eleven and went to Crescent Beach, just the two of us, to, you know celebrate the fact that he's not moving. Let's just say there was lots of kissing going on. Ahhh. He's such a good kisser. He told me his parents left the final decision up to him, and you know what? That just makes the fact that he's staying so much sweeter. He chose California. He chose me. He's always asking me what he has to do to prove to me that he cares about me. Well, that pretty much sealed the deal. I know it for sure. He really does love me. Tia Ramirez 12:08 a.m. Hmmm... was it me, or was Trent flirting with me tonight? I had to be imagining it. Right? I mean, all that stuff has been over between us for a long time now. Of course, that was back when I was still with Angel, and now I'm as single as I could possibly be... I'll get Andy's opinion tomorrow. Ken Matthews 12:08 a.m. I can't believe I'm home right now. I could party for another five hours at least. I'm so pumped! Aaaaaahhh! I can't believe I'm going to michigan! I had the best time tonight. It was like no one remebered my crappy performance, or at least they didn't care. For once the whole team was together with no ego crap, nothing. We just went crazy and had an amazing time, and I'm going to remember it for the rest of my life. Everything came together tonight. And nothing's ever gonna bring me down. Will Simmons 12:18 a.m. I can't sleep. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. Ken deserves everything he's gotten. It's not his fault I got hurt. I can't take my crap out on him. I know what his dad and Krubowski are doing isn't right, but what's the point of turning them in? They'd be punished, but so would Ken. And there's no real reason for that. So I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut, and everything will work out. Ken Keeps his scholarship to michigan, and I keep my job at the Trib. Melissa Fox 12:19 a.m. First ting tomorrow I am calling Will to get the real deal on Ken's scholarship. And if Will was right and Hank Krubowski was bribed, then Ken's going to know. I don't care what Will says-something that big can't Stay a secret.